Thanks for sharing. The bit about living out of your brain really resonated with me. Also this brought back memories of embarrassing dress checks in “college” (or so they called themselves, where you lined up with 50-100 other girls to be scrutinized from head to toe. Hard to love your body when the “freshman 15” earn you demerits for something being a little too snug.
Our relationships with are bodies are so complex, layered, and dynamic. Then again, they are us, aren't they? Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed the read and could so relate. I would so love to be able to do a front hand spring or a backwards dive again. Maybe someday! For now I'm incredibly thankful for the ability to soak in a tub, or get a deep tissue massage, and go to yoga.
I am so sorry. My prayer is that science and medicine will continue to evolve while you are still young and can once again enjoy that part of your life you cherish. 💛🙏🏼☮️
There is so much here and much I could say. But what I will say is that it’s crazy what you say at the end because just last night I was watching a show that had a person mount up on a horse with a lovely Western saddle and I could feel it! It surprised me so much. (I haven’t ridden in years and haven’t ridden Western in decades.)
Like you, spent ten years in my youth at the most awesome camp. We still have a memories page. Did things after that but being a sole caregiver and driver of long commutes, has reduced me to little muscle. But God is faithful and I have lost 30 lbs.
I pray the Lord of life heals you miraculously. You are forgiving and forgetting for the right reasons. That always opens up a wide highway for Him to answer prayer. He has done that for me.
"A few things happened in my twenties, a few things I don’t really want to talk about here, but things that took me out of my body and put me into my brain. My brain was the only way to survive and I was rewarded for it, and it has been the worst thing to ever happen to my body." -
This resonated with me so hard. The combo of CPTSD, marriage to an undiagnosed autistic man, miscarriage and perfectionism drove me so far into my brain and away from my body. Trying to relearn how to be in this difficult friendship with my body.
I hear you friend. It happened to me at 40. A big body breakdown that swept so much away. I know the grief and the longing and all the ways it rearranges the landscape of our lives. Just to say I'm with you. And I'm so sorry.
This is me. KJ Ramsey has been writing about her own battle with just intense health issues. Her writings about chronic illness say how I feel in beautiful words. She has reminded me again and again love my body
MM I resonate with all of this so much. It feels like my whole body went into rebellion right around Covid and has never come back to me and I ache to feel normal again. I'm so sorry this has been such an ongoing struggle. I feel it so much!
I just turned 48, 4 years ahead of you. After a back injury at the beginning of last year and some relationship struggles, in addition to leaving a toxic church environment 3 years ago, I took a hard look at my body and my life and did not like what I saw. I decided it was time for some drastic changes. I had pulled so far into myself and developed some toxic coping mechanisms that I had to unlearn. Physical Therapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Physical Activity, Dietary Changes, and learning to love myself and my body helped me find myself again. Like you, the me that used to do those exciting, active outdoor things that gave me life. I struggle with autoimmune disease, and it knocks me down sometimes, but we can still have those things that excite us. You can find yourself again!
Thanks for sharing. The bit about living out of your brain really resonated with me. Also this brought back memories of embarrassing dress checks in “college” (or so they called themselves, where you lined up with 50-100 other girls to be scrutinized from head to toe. Hard to love your body when the “freshman 15” earn you demerits for something being a little too snug.
Our relationships with are bodies are so complex, layered, and dynamic. Then again, they are us, aren't they? Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed the read and could so relate. I would so love to be able to do a front hand spring or a backwards dive again. Maybe someday! For now I'm incredibly thankful for the ability to soak in a tub, or get a deep tissue massage, and go to yoga.
Man, midlife and bodies. It's real.
I am so sorry. My prayer is that science and medicine will continue to evolve while you are still young and can once again enjoy that part of your life you cherish. 💛🙏🏼☮️
Tis the season for flare ups. I can relate to much of this! It’s comforting to know I am not alone. Keep taking good care, the best you know how.
There is so much here and much I could say. But what I will say is that it’s crazy what you say at the end because just last night I was watching a show that had a person mount up on a horse with a lovely Western saddle and I could feel it! It surprised me so much. (I haven’t ridden in years and haven’t ridden Western in decades.)
Like you, spent ten years in my youth at the most awesome camp. We still have a memories page. Did things after that but being a sole caregiver and driver of long commutes, has reduced me to little muscle. But God is faithful and I have lost 30 lbs.
I pray the Lord of life heals you miraculously. You are forgiving and forgetting for the right reasons. That always opens up a wide highway for Him to answer prayer. He has done that for me.
"A few things happened in my twenties, a few things I don’t really want to talk about here, but things that took me out of my body and put me into my brain. My brain was the only way to survive and I was rewarded for it, and it has been the worst thing to ever happen to my body." -
This resonated with me so hard. The combo of CPTSD, marriage to an undiagnosed autistic man, miscarriage and perfectionism drove me so far into my brain and away from my body. Trying to relearn how to be in this difficult friendship with my body.
I hear you friend. It happened to me at 40. A big body breakdown that swept so much away. I know the grief and the longing and all the ways it rearranges the landscape of our lives. Just to say I'm with you. And I'm so sorry.
This is me. KJ Ramsey has been writing about her own battle with just intense health issues. Her writings about chronic illness say how I feel in beautiful words. She has reminded me again and again love my body
MM I resonate with all of this so much. It feels like my whole body went into rebellion right around Covid and has never come back to me and I ache to feel normal again. I'm so sorry this has been such an ongoing struggle. I feel it so much!
I just turned 48, 4 years ahead of you. After a back injury at the beginning of last year and some relationship struggles, in addition to leaving a toxic church environment 3 years ago, I took a hard look at my body and my life and did not like what I saw. I decided it was time for some drastic changes. I had pulled so far into myself and developed some toxic coping mechanisms that I had to unlearn. Physical Therapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Physical Activity, Dietary Changes, and learning to love myself and my body helped me find myself again. Like you, the me that used to do those exciting, active outdoor things that gave me life. I struggle with autoimmune disease, and it knocks me down sometimes, but we can still have those things that excite us. You can find yourself again!
I’m so many ways, this whole post is me also. Overlapping favorite things and ministries of life, all derailed by an autoimmune disease. The new
normal is a very uncomfortable place to be.
Autoimmune disease sucks! I feel your pain!
I am so very sorry. So very.