Whoa! Wait a minute. Have you been listening to a Zoom call I just had with a friend? We just talked about this together. Have you been reading my journal? I just wrote for an hour and a half on this today, and in the middle of what I was writing, I wrote, “I have questions.” Then I proceeded to write about some of the questions I have about my own family, my own unknown history, and how finding those answers, if I could find them, would “disturb someone’s universe.”
I’ve not read the article you referenced, but you can be sure I will read it as soon as I finish with this and before I write my next post.
I am a long time blogger - blogged before it was a thing, but in that time I never sought the circles you found yourself in. I don’t think I even read those blogs. I determined I would never write about religion. Somehow, instinctively, what I did read at times in a few posts that made their way to Facebook turned me off. I guess you could say my red flag warning went off because I’d learned a thing or two about women who played games like you described when I was in the cult - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church, and I didn’t want to get in that trap again. And, I wasn’t ready to write about my own cult involvement yet, or at least I didn’t want it out there in the blogosphere until I was ready to do so.
I had no need for incentives financially, and I wrote so much in isolation I didn’t even know about platforms or how one should build one if one wanted to be rewarded for writing. (By the way, I hate that whole mindset!) Your footnote sums up so much of what I want to stay away from too.
Thank you for this Lore. I stand with you on this. Bless you.
I LOVE everything about this!! OMG, I wish I could talk to you! I am the girl who has been to every MLM party and bought bags, candles, jewelry and tried to fit in. I was told I belonged. I am still told I belong, and yet I know I don't. I will never belong, and I will always live in the tension of the now and not yet, and that is OK. That is where my God has called me to live, and He is there with me. What annoys me more is that people are only waking up to this tension now and writing about it and making money off it!!! The cycle never ends. Never. Recently hear a podcast about how Aquinas stopped writing after he had a divine revelation God and he said that his writing was Straw compared to the glory of God. Do any of us think we are better than Aquinas or better than God?? I still want to write - but occasionally- when i think there is something pertinent to be said - but to keep writing about the things of God and God Himself for the sake of making money to me seems wrong somehow. We can and must find alternate ways to make a living.
I also sought order in certain Christian spaces in response to childhood trauma, embraced the Christian blogosphere in the early 2000s, and began deconstructing as a result of MAGA fealty within my church, which we left. Largely through the Friends MA CSFL program I have been able to finally embrace ambiguity and to be okay with saying "I don't know." I had begun writing on Substack about spiritual things, but about halfway through school last year, I decided to change course and focus on books and reading, which was the right choice. I knew I didn't belong and no longer wanted to. As usual, thank you for articulating things in a way I have not been able to.
"I realized: this is what I have always been doing, trying to become whole." <-- This.
Once, I applied for a job and the man hiring sussed out my (ongoing crisis of) faith. He told me he had once been in seminary, during the Vietnam War era, but the church's response to the issues of that moment convinced him to quit. He got involved in the Civil Rights Movement. But the thing he told me about that struggle to reconcile taught orthodoxy with the still quiet voice was: "You have to roll your own." Such a funny ex-hippie thing to say but it disturbed me then, and haunts me still, and somehow empowers me to live in the tension now. I don't like it, I don't want it, but I don't see another choice.
I'm always thinking about the one Christian influencer/podcaster who launched her course and membership the day after she first spoke up in support of the current president on her Instagram ahead of the 2020 election. She had gone bananas viral with her conspiratorial post, and her following nearly doubled over those 24 hours between her endorsement and her course launch. It's hard not to believe there was some strategy at work there, incentivizing a previously apolitical influencer to get overtly political. It could have been conviction, but I suspect it was mostly money. Now, creators know the new playbook. And it's pulling us all apart.
I'm thinking of someone like this, and it actually changed my life. Because the politics and the conspiracy theories went hand in hand with wellness (and covid-denying), I stopped following and started vaccinating my kids. The other internal shifts had already happened, so I just had to see that connection.
Yep. I just went on to look at the Allie Beth Stuckey conference page and really found it so sad that one of the banners said, "Calling all Christian, conservative women for an impactful day of teaching, fellowship and worship." It's religion + politics...
As always, Lore, I'm grateful to read your words. They serve as soft and kind companions when so much around us is marked by cold indifference or pressure to "get on board." I grew up loving words because they were my companions when I mostly felt alone or like I couldn't make sense of things, or like I was moving too slow for what was going on around me. Growing comfortable with being able to acknowledge how little I know has been such a healing gift.
I'm so thankful you've stuck with me all these years, Melissa. I want you to know I think about it often, the ones who stayed with me while I walked through all that and am where I am now. I'm thankful.
I feel so grateful to have come of age slash be coming of age as a Christian-ish writer in a time where this sphere doesn't exist anymore. Of course there are other challenges, like the CT article details, but it's far easier to avoid brushing shoulders with or having to directly engage with that content (which doesn't necessarily save one from the ripple effects, of course, but nonetheless!).
This is fascinating. As a Catholic we don't necessarily have the same problems (we have puh-LENTY of our own, ha--just way fewer conferences/celebrities) but I've always been interested in the evangelical subculture because I used to LOVE Jen Hatmaker. There really wasn't a Catholic woman speaking like her when I first found her books 12 or so years ago (there's many more now!) I have plenty of feelings about Hatmaker--I've written about them and they're negative. I am not a fan. But it's also quite clear that the Christian Industrial Complex did her dirty.
The fact that we have a Christian Industrial Complex is dirty and therefore it means anyone mixed up in it is either doing dirty, getting done dirty, or both.
Is there a way I can love this multiple times? I live in Colorado Springs. Do you have any idea how large the “Christian Industrial Complex” loom large in this town????
Whoa! Wait a minute. Have you been listening to a Zoom call I just had with a friend? We just talked about this together. Have you been reading my journal? I just wrote for an hour and a half on this today, and in the middle of what I was writing, I wrote, “I have questions.” Then I proceeded to write about some of the questions I have about my own family, my own unknown history, and how finding those answers, if I could find them, would “disturb someone’s universe.”
I’ve not read the article you referenced, but you can be sure I will read it as soon as I finish with this and before I write my next post.
I am a long time blogger - blogged before it was a thing, but in that time I never sought the circles you found yourself in. I don’t think I even read those blogs. I determined I would never write about religion. Somehow, instinctively, what I did read at times in a few posts that made their way to Facebook turned me off. I guess you could say my red flag warning went off because I’d learned a thing or two about women who played games like you described when I was in the cult - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormon Church, and I didn’t want to get in that trap again. And, I wasn’t ready to write about my own cult involvement yet, or at least I didn’t want it out there in the blogosphere until I was ready to do so.
I had no need for incentives financially, and I wrote so much in isolation I didn’t even know about platforms or how one should build one if one wanted to be rewarded for writing. (By the way, I hate that whole mindset!) Your footnote sums up so much of what I want to stay away from too.
Thank you for this Lore. I stand with you on this. Bless you.
I LOVE everything about this!! OMG, I wish I could talk to you! I am the girl who has been to every MLM party and bought bags, candles, jewelry and tried to fit in. I was told I belonged. I am still told I belong, and yet I know I don't. I will never belong, and I will always live in the tension of the now and not yet, and that is OK. That is where my God has called me to live, and He is there with me. What annoys me more is that people are only waking up to this tension now and writing about it and making money off it!!! The cycle never ends. Never. Recently hear a podcast about how Aquinas stopped writing after he had a divine revelation God and he said that his writing was Straw compared to the glory of God. Do any of us think we are better than Aquinas or better than God?? I still want to write - but occasionally- when i think there is something pertinent to be said - but to keep writing about the things of God and God Himself for the sake of making money to me seems wrong somehow. We can and must find alternate ways to make a living.
I also sought order in certain Christian spaces in response to childhood trauma, embraced the Christian blogosphere in the early 2000s, and began deconstructing as a result of MAGA fealty within my church, which we left. Largely through the Friends MA CSFL program I have been able to finally embrace ambiguity and to be okay with saying "I don't know." I had begun writing on Substack about spiritual things, but about halfway through school last year, I decided to change course and focus on books and reading, which was the right choice. I knew I didn't belong and no longer wanted to. As usual, thank you for articulating things in a way I have not been able to.
Thank you. I always disliked when the women blogger types called me “friend.”
Amen, Lore
"I realized: this is what I have always been doing, trying to become whole." <-- This.
Once, I applied for a job and the man hiring sussed out my (ongoing crisis of) faith. He told me he had once been in seminary, during the Vietnam War era, but the church's response to the issues of that moment convinced him to quit. He got involved in the Civil Rights Movement. But the thing he told me about that struggle to reconcile taught orthodoxy with the still quiet voice was: "You have to roll your own." Such a funny ex-hippie thing to say but it disturbed me then, and haunts me still, and somehow empowers me to live in the tension now. I don't like it, I don't want it, but I don't see another choice.
Thanks for sharing this note. It helps.
I love that. I love how certain things get stuck in our brains for whatever reason and end up empowering us later. Thank you for reading, Bob.
Goodness. This is such a good reflection. “Good riddance and thank God it broke.” YES.
I feel like you probably have a lot to say on this too ;)
I'm always thinking about the one Christian influencer/podcaster who launched her course and membership the day after she first spoke up in support of the current president on her Instagram ahead of the 2020 election. She had gone bananas viral with her conspiratorial post, and her following nearly doubled over those 24 hours between her endorsement and her course launch. It's hard not to believe there was some strategy at work there, incentivizing a previously apolitical influencer to get overtly political. It could have been conviction, but I suspect it was mostly money. Now, creators know the new playbook. And it's pulling us all apart.
I'm thinking of someone like this, and it actually changed my life. Because the politics and the conspiracy theories went hand in hand with wellness (and covid-denying), I stopped following and started vaccinating my kids. The other internal shifts had already happened, so I just had to see that connection.
Yep. I just went on to look at the Allie Beth Stuckey conference page and really found it so sad that one of the banners said, "Calling all Christian, conservative women for an impactful day of teaching, fellowship and worship." It's religion + politics...
***pounds table*** Nobody ever belonged there. Nobody! Yes!
I have always, always felt this way. Thank you.
You're welcome =)
As always, Lore, I'm grateful to read your words. They serve as soft and kind companions when so much around us is marked by cold indifference or pressure to "get on board." I grew up loving words because they were my companions when I mostly felt alone or like I couldn't make sense of things, or like I was moving too slow for what was going on around me. Growing comfortable with being able to acknowledge how little I know has been such a healing gift.
I'm so thankful you've stuck with me all these years, Melissa. I want you to know I think about it often, the ones who stayed with me while I walked through all that and am where I am now. I'm thankful.
This is a banger of an essay. In the past 5 years, Holy Spirit has stripped of my certainty and I am the better for it
Thank you for sharing that with us =)
I thought it was just me.....
So thankful it's not. What a blessing for me today to read your words!
It's not just you =)
I feel so grateful to have come of age slash be coming of age as a Christian-ish writer in a time where this sphere doesn't exist anymore. Of course there are other challenges, like the CT article details, but it's far easier to avoid brushing shoulders with or having to directly engage with that content (which doesn't necessarily save one from the ripple effects, of course, but nonetheless!).
I'm so glad for you =)
This is fascinating. As a Catholic we don't necessarily have the same problems (we have puh-LENTY of our own, ha--just way fewer conferences/celebrities) but I've always been interested in the evangelical subculture because I used to LOVE Jen Hatmaker. There really wasn't a Catholic woman speaking like her when I first found her books 12 or so years ago (there's many more now!) I have plenty of feelings about Hatmaker--I've written about them and they're negative. I am not a fan. But it's also quite clear that the Christian Industrial Complex did her dirty.
The fact that we have a Christian Industrial Complex is dirty and therefore it means anyone mixed up in it is either doing dirty, getting done dirty, or both.
Is there a way I can love this multiple times? I live in Colorado Springs. Do you have any idea how large the “Christian Industrial Complex” loom large in this town????
Echoes of The Wasteland, T. S. Elliot.
Jesus never asked for all that.
It’s like stuffing one’s mouth with as much bubble gum as possible without choking, blowing the biggest bubble possible—and then what? It pops. Next….
It’s trying for culture creation instead of discipling. It’s missing the mark, as you have so aptly journaled here.
Peace.
Yes. I need to revisit Elliot. Second time in two days I've been reminded of that =)
Sometimes constantly living in the not knowing is tiring Lore. Sometimes I just want to give myself over to *something*
Same
I know. Me too.
An epic piece. Maybe think of writing for Kindle or Audible
Thanks =)