I have struggled with my relationship and use of social media for so many years and always come back to the same questions. I used to be really good at avoiding the influencer side of socials, but I slowly slipped into it in the past ~6 months, and I relate VERY strongly to your "othering" example. It's really encouraging to hear that you've been able to find a way to use it that works for you!
I finally disabled my Facebook account six months ago. The last straw for me was that I just couldn’t take seeing relatives gloat about Trump’s triumph. But the number of times I lost sleep because of a response to something I wrote and then had to defend myself, completely outweighed any of the benefits, which were mostly the groups I was in, where I could ask educational questions from experts. So I switched to Substack, which I soon realized was also social media, but I’m actually not following anybody that i’ve known in person and i’m not a writer so I don’t need to post anything. I am also making a point of seeing friends in person more often.
For YouTube, I highly recommend getting a browser extension that will remove youtube comments + sidebar video recommendations. My black-hole youtube viewing has really decreased with the extension getting rid of all the crap I don't need nor want to see.
I got the free app ScreenZen on my phone and its been revolutionary for helping me deal with some very bad mindless scrolling algorithmic content habits. It allows you to control your own screen time in more customized, complex and harder to get around ways than the phone's built in screentime features. Currently I have social media and games completely blocked from 9pm until 8:30am (1pm on Sundays). Outside those times social media is limited to 8 minutes a session and 6 opens of each app a day, I also have to click through a confirmation screen that includes a list of other things I should be doing at each open.
Restricting it like that has been so helpful because once you've checked posts from actual friends you can't get far down an algorithmic rabbit hole in what's left of the 8 minutes. Limiting the number of opens a day also reduces the temptation to open social while I'm waiting a few minutes for something as I know I might need some of those limited allowed opens a day latter to send messages or post stuff.
This is so helpful, Lore! I became a big sucker to the algorithm on IG. It was to the point of scrolling through reels for at least 90 minutes a day. And I kid you not, I bought two things off the gram in December that ended up being a scam and I had to shamefully call my CC company to reverse the charges and block them from charging me again. I felt like such a fool. I’ve been off IG for about a month now. It was a deep gut response that happened in an instant and I haven’t looked back since. Here’s the thing too - I don’t even miss it. I’ve gain so much clarity and peace from not being on it that I don’t even know if I’ll return. I believe I will someday and because of this post, I’ll feel armed with helpful knowledge not to get sucked down the same algorithm black hole.
Thank you. I used social media poorly this week after trying to find a new way. It was emotional, difficult, and ended with me pulling away from social media again. I love the video clip as well. I fear for the ways the algorithm can change us as a society. But I digress. I can change what I do and that can make all the difference and I appreciate that empowerment.
Oooh, this is good. Don't feed the bear! I saw the beast take down a few of my friends during the pandemic into full-on conspiracy theories, and I know I am not immune. Thanks for naming the specifics and acknowledging the impact of those decisions on the author's life.
All of this! I so resonated with you. I’ve had a complicated relationship with social media, particularly with IG, for a long time. I’ve fasted from social media every Sunday for the past ten years. I’m always refreshed come Monday. Then, as soon as I « ré-enter », I begin to feel the familiar anxiety. It creeps in slowly. But by mid week if I’m not careful I can find myself wasting precious time, attention, and energy scrolling. So this year I’m paying better attention. Using my iPhone’s features I limit my daily time to about 10 minutes. When I hit the limit it closes the app. Of course you can revert it. What I found interesting is that at first I reverted a couple of times. But eventually I found myself accepting the limit and moving on. It’s been super helpful. I find most egregious how the more time I spent on social—and again especially IG—the more my peace of mind and tranquility suffered. It drew me away from life-giving habits like reading and moving my body by going for a walk.
Same, same, same. I didn't notice how chaotic my brain/heart/body had become until I got control. And I didn't even realize how how out of control it was because I've always been pretty intentional about my usage.
Love this! I am also trying to do a Sunday fast, and it is helpful. I keep bypassing my daily limits the other days, but little by little, taming the beast.
As one taking time off of the socials (read: FB, IG) for Lent this year, I find myself wrestling with the best use of my time when I return. All that you outlined here is exceptionally helpful. Thank you for this, Lore.
Also, I'm finally reading The Understory. Your writing is captivating as always. I wanted to say a quick thanks for the spoiler alert about Glittering Images which just happens to be on my TBR. Your ability to think and care about your reader, crafting your words so that a paragraph may be skipped, but the point is still made is a testament to your brilliant mind and kind heart. Thank you!
Absolutely loved this(and I love all the art you choose for all your posts). It is not only a good reminder, it is a way to think, act, for the purposes of a THING. I think we confuse the internet with a person sometimes because of all the pseudo-engagement incidents.
I loved this so much, especially your tips to share great stuff in long-form media/text/email!My three year break from Instagram rewired my brain in the best of ways too.
If you want to know the psychology behind what you're describing here, my husband (a psych professor) explains our interaction with algorithms here:
I think more of us should take long term breaks! What I found in my long sabbatical was that the first 30 days were really more just detox. It wasn't enough to really rewire until I'd had significantly more time off. Most of us don't venture beyond one month or 40 day breaks...
So true! Instead of taking a break for Lent or a random 30 day period, what if we just took a digital Sabbatical? This is hard for writers to do, but it may be necessary, kind of like cultivating obscurity as a spiritual practice!
The thing is, we've been told that social media is NEEDED for writers and I'm just no longer convinced it is. Writing is needed for writers and the faith that somehow our work will get through the noise.
There is a lot of pressure around social media for writers, and I'm inclined to agree that it's not necessary. During the 3 years I was off IG, I was able to focus more deeply on long-form articles and develop my craft in other ways. It was very validating that it was during this time that I was able to sign with a literary agent. I like that there is a lot more attention around writers' use of social media, and it's encouraging to hear traditionally published authors like you explain your relationship with it!
My approach to social media has changed so much since I have been off of it so much over the past four years. I still want to resource people but a lot of what I do on social media is repurposed pieces of writing from Substack. My approach is a continual work in progress. I always feel I could argue my way into not sharing anything on IG.
"All for the low, low price of keeping your sanity in a world gone mad." I sniggled! Sigh. Truth.
The Ronnie Chieng clip is GOLD. I usually find standup specials helplessly boring, but both his content and delivery are top-notch. Thank you for sharing!
I like "pebbling" links of interesting or fun things to a few trusted loved ones, too. I wrote my English thesis on the advent and evolution of the blogosphere--what has since transformed into social media, as blogs began as a repository/disorganized catalogue of "stuff I found that I want to show my friends." Your Link Love posts have often struck me as the most old school usage of the internet I generally see, and I mean that as a compliment.
Social media usage does feel to me like wrestling with the angel of this age's god. "I will not let you go until you bless me." Oooof. Is this a deity to trust with that request? I find I'm generally able to skim Insta and Threads and YouTube for the fun/bright/cheerful/lovely things (cat videos and LARP how-tos and background music and P&P dubs and parenting skits) and skip most of the rest, which thus skews the algorithm to feed me more of the same. Facebook is full of pain, which my bleeding heart prompts me to engage, so I then get more of that. I tell myself the systems balance each other out in terms of their effects on me, but they're all absolutely using me. I'm not sure I don't want them to, if I'm even more honest, when I do engage, because sorting out how to make connections on my own was always harder. So I try to put my phone away more often, which is not very often. And I make a point of clicking on things I don't really want to know about because they matter to people I know when I am online, to try to lower the valley walls a bit. I'm not sure there's a way to win at this at all, but I'm afraid of opting out entirely as most of my community exists online.
This is such a thoughtful comment, Stephanie (I'm excited to get to know you more in person soon!). That is such an interesting thesis and I'm so curious about your findings =) I love that image of "I will not let go until you bless me." Please write more on this if you haven't already.
Thank you for the encouragement to write more. I wish I could find the energy... my life is so full right now. But I'm looking forward to talking more as well!
The thesis is, gosh, nearly 20 years old at this point... I'm curious how it would hold up to the light of day. I don't think I said anything that novel or insightful, but I do wonder how it would read now.
Yes! That's a great idea =) I have a bookmarked folder on my browser where I stick it all and then open it all up again when I'm ready to post Link Love to reread and evaluate whether I still want to share it!
I have struggled with my relationship and use of social media for so many years and always come back to the same questions. I used to be really good at avoiding the influencer side of socials, but I slowly slipped into it in the past ~6 months, and I relate VERY strongly to your "othering" example. It's really encouraging to hear that you've been able to find a way to use it that works for you!
I finally disabled my Facebook account six months ago. The last straw for me was that I just couldn’t take seeing relatives gloat about Trump’s triumph. But the number of times I lost sleep because of a response to something I wrote and then had to defend myself, completely outweighed any of the benefits, which were mostly the groups I was in, where I could ask educational questions from experts. So I switched to Substack, which I soon realized was also social media, but I’m actually not following anybody that i’ve known in person and i’m not a writer so I don’t need to post anything. I am also making a point of seeing friends in person more often.
For YouTube, I highly recommend getting a browser extension that will remove youtube comments + sidebar video recommendations. My black-hole youtube viewing has really decreased with the extension getting rid of all the crap I don't need nor want to see.
I got the free app ScreenZen on my phone and its been revolutionary for helping me deal with some very bad mindless scrolling algorithmic content habits. It allows you to control your own screen time in more customized, complex and harder to get around ways than the phone's built in screentime features. Currently I have social media and games completely blocked from 9pm until 8:30am (1pm on Sundays). Outside those times social media is limited to 8 minutes a session and 6 opens of each app a day, I also have to click through a confirmation screen that includes a list of other things I should be doing at each open.
Restricting it like that has been so helpful because once you've checked posts from actual friends you can't get far down an algorithmic rabbit hole in what's left of the 8 minutes. Limiting the number of opens a day also reduces the temptation to open social while I'm waiting a few minutes for something as I know I might need some of those limited allowed opens a day latter to send messages or post stuff.
Wow! Comedic excellence there. Thanks for sharing.
And for the reminder I need to be better about using my social media.
This is so helpful, Lore! I became a big sucker to the algorithm on IG. It was to the point of scrolling through reels for at least 90 minutes a day. And I kid you not, I bought two things off the gram in December that ended up being a scam and I had to shamefully call my CC company to reverse the charges and block them from charging me again. I felt like such a fool. I’ve been off IG for about a month now. It was a deep gut response that happened in an instant and I haven’t looked back since. Here’s the thing too - I don’t even miss it. I’ve gain so much clarity and peace from not being on it that I don’t even know if I’ll return. I believe I will someday and because of this post, I’ll feel armed with helpful knowledge not to get sucked down the same algorithm black hole.
Thank you. I used social media poorly this week after trying to find a new way. It was emotional, difficult, and ended with me pulling away from social media again. I love the video clip as well. I fear for the ways the algorithm can change us as a society. But I digress. I can change what I do and that can make all the difference and I appreciate that empowerment.
Oooh, this is good. Don't feed the bear! I saw the beast take down a few of my friends during the pandemic into full-on conspiracy theories, and I know I am not immune. Thanks for naming the specifics and acknowledging the impact of those decisions on the author's life.
Of course =)
All of this! I so resonated with you. I’ve had a complicated relationship with social media, particularly with IG, for a long time. I’ve fasted from social media every Sunday for the past ten years. I’m always refreshed come Monday. Then, as soon as I « ré-enter », I begin to feel the familiar anxiety. It creeps in slowly. But by mid week if I’m not careful I can find myself wasting precious time, attention, and energy scrolling. So this year I’m paying better attention. Using my iPhone’s features I limit my daily time to about 10 minutes. When I hit the limit it closes the app. Of course you can revert it. What I found interesting is that at first I reverted a couple of times. But eventually I found myself accepting the limit and moving on. It’s been super helpful. I find most egregious how the more time I spent on social—and again especially IG—the more my peace of mind and tranquility suffered. It drew me away from life-giving habits like reading and moving my body by going for a walk.
Same, same, same. I didn't notice how chaotic my brain/heart/body had become until I got control. And I didn't even realize how how out of control it was because I've always been pretty intentional about my usage.
Love this! I am also trying to do a Sunday fast, and it is helpful. I keep bypassing my daily limits the other days, but little by little, taming the beast.
As one taking time off of the socials (read: FB, IG) for Lent this year, I find myself wrestling with the best use of my time when I return. All that you outlined here is exceptionally helpful. Thank you for this, Lore.
Also, I'm finally reading The Understory. Your writing is captivating as always. I wanted to say a quick thanks for the spoiler alert about Glittering Images which just happens to be on my TBR. Your ability to think and care about your reader, crafting your words so that a paragraph may be skipped, but the point is still made is a testament to your brilliant mind and kind heart. Thank you!
Oh my, thank you. That is so kind of you to say and music to my ears, truly. I can't wait to hear what you think about Glittering Images =)
Absolutely loved this(and I love all the art you choose for all your posts). It is not only a good reminder, it is a way to think, act, for the purposes of a THING. I think we confuse the internet with a person sometimes because of all the pseudo-engagement incidents.
Thanks. And you KNOW I agree with your thoughts on confusing parasocial relationships with real ones =)
I loved this so much, especially your tips to share great stuff in long-form media/text/email!My three year break from Instagram rewired my brain in the best of ways too.
If you want to know the psychology behind what you're describing here, my husband (a psych professor) explains our interaction with algorithms here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/maxbutterfield/p/why-misinformation-thrives-on-substack?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1vqoe
I think more of us should take long term breaks! What I found in my long sabbatical was that the first 30 days were really more just detox. It wasn't enough to really rewire until I'd had significantly more time off. Most of us don't venture beyond one month or 40 day breaks...
So true! Instead of taking a break for Lent or a random 30 day period, what if we just took a digital Sabbatical? This is hard for writers to do, but it may be necessary, kind of like cultivating obscurity as a spiritual practice!
The thing is, we've been told that social media is NEEDED for writers and I'm just no longer convinced it is. Writing is needed for writers and the faith that somehow our work will get through the noise.
There is a lot of pressure around social media for writers, and I'm inclined to agree that it's not necessary. During the 3 years I was off IG, I was able to focus more deeply on long-form articles and develop my craft in other ways. It was very validating that it was during this time that I was able to sign with a literary agent. I like that there is a lot more attention around writers' use of social media, and it's encouraging to hear traditionally published authors like you explain your relationship with it!
Your last paragraph legitimately made me tear up. Great thoughts, Lore! Thanks for doing this hard work and sharing your success.
Glad you're here for it =)
My approach to social media has changed so much since I have been off of it so much over the past four years. I still want to resource people but a lot of what I do on social media is repurposed pieces of writing from Substack. My approach is a continual work in progress. I always feel I could argue my way into not sharing anything on IG.
Staying a work in progress on this is so good.
"All for the low, low price of keeping your sanity in a world gone mad." I sniggled! Sigh. Truth.
The Ronnie Chieng clip is GOLD. I usually find standup specials helplessly boring, but both his content and delivery are top-notch. Thank you for sharing!
I like "pebbling" links of interesting or fun things to a few trusted loved ones, too. I wrote my English thesis on the advent and evolution of the blogosphere--what has since transformed into social media, as blogs began as a repository/disorganized catalogue of "stuff I found that I want to show my friends." Your Link Love posts have often struck me as the most old school usage of the internet I generally see, and I mean that as a compliment.
Social media usage does feel to me like wrestling with the angel of this age's god. "I will not let you go until you bless me." Oooof. Is this a deity to trust with that request? I find I'm generally able to skim Insta and Threads and YouTube for the fun/bright/cheerful/lovely things (cat videos and LARP how-tos and background music and P&P dubs and parenting skits) and skip most of the rest, which thus skews the algorithm to feed me more of the same. Facebook is full of pain, which my bleeding heart prompts me to engage, so I then get more of that. I tell myself the systems balance each other out in terms of their effects on me, but they're all absolutely using me. I'm not sure I don't want them to, if I'm even more honest, when I do engage, because sorting out how to make connections on my own was always harder. So I try to put my phone away more often, which is not very often. And I make a point of clicking on things I don't really want to know about because they matter to people I know when I am online, to try to lower the valley walls a bit. I'm not sure there's a way to win at this at all, but I'm afraid of opting out entirely as most of my community exists online.
Hard! Thank you for helping us talk about it.
This is such a thoughtful comment, Stephanie (I'm excited to get to know you more in person soon!). That is such an interesting thesis and I'm so curious about your findings =) I love that image of "I will not let go until you bless me." Please write more on this if you haven't already.
Thank you for the encouragement to write more. I wish I could find the energy... my life is so full right now. But I'm looking forward to talking more as well!
The thesis is, gosh, nearly 20 years old at this point... I'm curious how it would hold up to the light of day. I don't think I said anything that novel or insightful, but I do wonder how it would read now.
Thanks for fleshing this out more, Lore! I'm in the throws of doing this right now, and I'm starting to taste and see the goodness and benefit.
Thankfully, I started the habit of adding stuff to a Google doc and sharing what sticks in my own monthly newsletter. That's been super helpful.
Anyway, looking forward to having more freedom with IG and being so attached. 🙌
Yes! That's a great idea =) I have a bookmarked folder on my browser where I stick it all and then open it all up again when I'm ready to post Link Love to reread and evaluate whether I still want to share it!
Perfect! Yeah a folder might be better for me too...starting to need more sorting/organization of everything!
*NOT being so attached. Ha!