33 Comments

This is absolutely fantastic.

Expand full comment

I feel like I talk more about how hard marriage is than how beautiful my life is because of it. I think our culture promotes a demeaning view of marriage that shows itself in mean jokes or crude humor. If only people shared how much their marriage has blessed them.

Expand full comment

As a not married woman in my mid 30s I appreciate your tact in not wanting to rub salt in a wound. I also appreciate you sharing how good a thing marriage can be. Sometimes it's easy to forget it can be good. It doesn't have to be hard. So thank you.

Expand full comment

I am not married but have the highest appreciation for your piece, especially the part where you say how elated you are not to have married all the other men in your life. I made similar choices, am still single and living off of Jesus. :)

I have a friend who got married later in life (44), and has been with her hubby for 11 years now. She helped him raise his last two from his previous marriage and had to work around and with his first wife. What a journey, which has produced a lot of good fruit. I sent this to her. Thank you for being who you are, and dealing with so many issues and topics of our time to allow a space for putting things into perspective.

Expand full comment

I'm so happy I found this. It's a lovely comfort and support for what I've been thinking about marriage lately. I'm getting married in four months, and while I am only twenty-four, I do relate in many ways to what I've read of your journey before marriage. I've been preparing for marriage like I prepare for anything in life... by reading lots of books and listening to other's advice and trying to learn from their wisdom. However, I've recently decided to take a break from the pile of marriage books. I've grown weary of the image of the young couple standing at the alter totally naive on their wedding day. The idea that that love-blind couple just can't know how hard life is going to be for them. Of course that's true, because no one can know the future and what difficulties lie in it, but my heart is a little sore from preparing for a life of difficulty with the man I love simply because I'm married to him. I don't want that to be my anticipation of our marriage.

I want to walk into it knowing it will change me, that I will be humbled, that I'll learn self-sacrifice in incredible new ways, but I choose not to walk into it with this cloud around me, believing all of those lessons will be burdensome and taxing. I want to believe it will be joy. And I want to walk into my marriage believing it can and will be an uncommonly good one.

Thank you for saying soft, true things that often in their gentleness feel bold in such a hard world.

Expand full comment

I wish i could join your zoom meetings, unfortunately i i am working , i am in the pacific time zone and 12pm is 9:00am for me and i work fulltime. I would love to speak to you , maybe you can have another meeting in the evenings in the future or maybe on a weekend?

Expand full comment

I too was married older (40) and to a man who was married before and left broken-hearted. I had begun to pray in my late thirties for a man who had some scars, who had lived through pain and pursued healing, as I had in a different way. I think this is one of the reasons for our great marriage. At least this first year of it :) Thanks for naming these things! And blessings upon these next years of marriage!

Expand full comment
Apr 11·edited Apr 11Liked by Lore Wilbert

I've discovered you in the dreadful year of the pandemic - 2020 - and devoured Handle with care.

Your space here has also brought a lot of blessings.

I am turning 40 the begining of May, not married and, I think, wanting to be. Never had a relationship and comming from an abusive home where I didn't exactly gain faith that marriage can be good.

It's such a blessing to read testimonies like this! I cannot even tell how much!

Dear Lore, write them! I need to believe love can be good and sweet! I really do!

Please pray for me, because loneliness bites hard sometimes.

Thank you for being here!

Expand full comment

In a season where I am witnessing a lot of hardship in friends' marriages, this was a beautiful reminder of all the good ones out there. Happy eight years ❤️

Expand full comment
Apr 11·edited Apr 11Liked by Lore Wilbert

You’ve also summed up my marriage beautifully here. I’ve only been married for 1.5 years, but we both married at 35 (he was also my first boyfriend) and it’s just been simple, gentle, filled with love and cuddles and a blessing to us. Happy 8 years!

Expand full comment
Apr 10Liked by Lore Wilbert

I also have been blessed with a good and easy marriage (26 years) i got married young at 21. We chose not have children, don't know if it would have made things harder , i guess we will never know. We just both believe marriage is for life, we do not believe in divorce. Most marriages are not easy unfortunately from what i have seen, easy and good marriages are the exception.

I thank the Lord everyday for my marriage.

Expand full comment

I married the first person I seriously dated, and to complicate things, I largely married him due to a dream (an actual dream that I dreamt in bed at night), so I've been on a roller coaster ride with my marriage. I have regretted marrying as I did (even at almost 28), but God has been faithful to carry us through everything. He's the only reason we've survived - truly. And my marriage is in a pretty good and fun place. We've experienced so many tests to make or break us - I'm hoping we've been formed toward one another and not apart.

And maybe childlessness makes marriage better sometimes, but that's so presumptuous - as if everyone is living under the same conditions. Clearly, no one is. I'm sorry that was said to you. Maybe it was meant as a consolation, but it sounds as if it made things worse instead.

Expand full comment

I love this, and I think it’s good to say out loud that your marriage is good and real. I don’t talk about my marriage much publicly, but much of this resonated. 💗 Thank you...

Expand full comment
Apr 10Liked by Lore Wilbert

I love hearing about marriages like this. One of the most discouraging things for me, during my engagement to my husband, was that nearly every married person would look at the care and consideration we had for each other and feel it their duty to tell us that marriage could only ever be worse than our dating/engaged relationship. There was only one person who gave me hope that misery (justified by sanctification) wasn't the only flavour of marriage available to us. And, like Lore, I am blessed with a good marriage that's been good from day one. My husband has taught me what true friendship and family look like, and they can be far kinder things than anything I'd known in the 31 years prior to meeting him.

Expand full comment
Apr 10Liked by Lore Wilbert

Phew, I needed to read this! I’m in the mid-to-late thirties and not married but dearly wanting marriage category . Thanks for shining light on the good things in your life. We are all better for the privilege of bearing witness to God’s abundant gifts.

Your words (and other readers comments) were a balm. Marriage isn’t a guarantee, but it’s nice to ge reminded that we can believe for a sweet one.

Blessings to you, Lore, as your faithfulness blesses us. <3

Expand full comment

‘if you think that about your childless friends, please don’t say it out loud to them’

This made me laugh- how many times have I heard something like that where the speaker obviously had no idea where it would land....

Expand full comment