Redeeming a Day That's Barely Begun
How come no one ever brags about getting Wordle on six?
I woke up this morning on, shall we say, the wrong side of the bed? I slept well and deep, mostly dreamless (as opposed to the other night where I dreamed I was an astronaut who knifed another astronaut and then puffy-painted a t-shirt displaying my guilt because no one would believe it was me…), but I just woke up with a litany of things done and left undone and the creeping closing in walls of time around me.
I’m still not seeing as clearly as I, well, envisioned before my lasik & PRK surgery. I’m told it will take time but now is a bit of a bad time for things to take time. I glance up intermittently throughout my day to see if I can see the other side of the river without squinting and I still can’t. And yet I realize without prompting that the fact that I have an office that faces a river at all is a privilege most people can’t imagine. Someone’s name comes across my feed and I’m immediately thrown back to a time I was falsely and publicly slandered by them. I sit down at my desk to a pile of work that I feel like I can’t do without seeing well but which must be done regardless. My dog still has an issue with her feet and I’ve been playing whackamole with it for months now. I’m deeply and constantly aware of the people—friends, coworkers, family—I feel like I’m failing to show up for in meaningful ways, and also deeply and constantly aware that we are all people with limitations and mine may be different than theirs. Our current medical insurance is, how do we say, crap? (I mean, is anyone’s insurance not crap?) My debit card expires in two days and I have to go through and update all the automatic payments which means also remembering all the automatic payments. I read an article about climate change and rising temperatures and just couldn’t, so tried to numb out with NYT games. I got the Wordle on six today and couldn’t for the life of me get beyond one word on the mini-crossword and gave up after six words on the Spelling Bee and none of that ever happens. I ran out of face wash and leave-in conditioner and every single time I walk down our half-painted stairs I tell myself today will be the day I finish these. Nate and I have just been missing each other the past few weeks and can’t seem to get back in our groove. We just bought $200 in groceries a week ago and we’re out of everything again. Except yogurt. We have a lot of yogurt.
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