Don't Outsource Your Best Quality

Please, I'm serious. Not just because I need you but because you need you.

I am resolved to never start posts by saying words like, “I’m sorry for not writing much lately,” which feels akin to when someone starts a post by saying, “Everyone’s been asking me,” because, really? has everyone? But my resolve is frail, see, and that’s a part of the problem.

I did tell you lately that I’ve lost my nerve and that is the truth but it isn’t the whole truth. I won’t even tell you the whole truth today because there are, my therapist tells me, some things that shouldn’t be externalized for the Internet before they’ve been externalized amongst my nearest and dearest. Yesterday I called a near and dear one and externalized my latest existential whirlabout and she listened and said “Me too,” and we agreed that it’s okay to sometimes say things aloud even if they are about other people being unlikeable and especially if they are about ourselves being unlikeable. But when I hung up, nothing had really changed, other people were still doing unlikable things and I was still pretty unlikeable too. This is often why I don’t externalize things even to my nearest and dearest, because mostly it feels like putting bad gases into the atmosphere even if they’re scented with delectable fragrance as they go.